


Are You Ever Going To Kiss Me?

by Living_On_My_Own



Category: Queen (Band)
Genre: Break Up Talk, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Homophobia, Hospitalization, Hurt/Comfort, Insecurity, M/M, Maycury Week (Queen), Maycury Week 2020 (Queen), Memory Loss, Non-Graphic Violence, Post-Break Up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-03
Updated: 2020-09-03
Packaged: 2021-03-06 16:07:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,250
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26261635
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Living_On_My_Own/pseuds/Living_On_My_Own
Summary: “Are you ever going to kiss me?” The Persian asks.His face is covered with a few little cuts. His bottom lip is split. There’s a large bruise on his cheekbone all the way to his eye, it still looks fresh and painful. There’s a few droplet of sweat on his forehead because of the pain he felt only minutes before. Brian hasn’t wiped them away with some clothes like he knows he would usually do. Why is he not holding his hand?For Maycury Week 2020!!!I know I’m late for the prompt I chose, but my aunt died the day I was supposed to write so it made me late and I’m writing this in a rush because I didn’t want to be really too late. It’s also not very long, but I hope you’ll still like it!
Relationships: Brian May/Freddie Mercury
Comments: 10
Kudos: 25
Collections: Maycury_Week_2020





	Are You Ever Going To Kiss Me?

_“I’m sorry”_

There’s blood seeping from his brow, falling on the wet ground. It’s dark, but he’s not alone, they’re still there. They’re not leaving him alone.

_“Of course, I love you, you know it.”_

He’s hurting, it hurts so much everywhere. He doesn’t think he can move. Maybe he has broken bones, that’s what he’s beginning to think. He would ask for help, he would scream, but he’s too dizzy, his head is pounding. He doesn’t know how long he’s been there since they started, he can’t remember.

_“It’s just harder than I thought it’d be.”_

Brian’s not there. He’s home. No. Freddie doesn’t have a home anymore. Not without him. He doesn’t know what he’s gonna do. How he could ever look at the guitarist again. He doesn’t know what will happen to the band.

_“I’m so sorry.”_

He wants to cry. He hasn’t been able to, not yet. It’s still making it hard to breathe, that and the boots on his chest that never stop hitting him. He doesn’t know if he’ll ever be able to breathe again. Not after being geared apart, mentally and physically.

_“I think we should break up.”_

There’s black spots in his vision ever since his head hit the ground. A boot is crushing his hand on the pavement. He stifles a scream, he can’t look weaker than he already does. He’ll be fine. It’s okay, he’ll be alright. He’ll be so alright.

Of course he won’t be.

_“I just can’t do it.”_

Brian had been ashamed, unable to stay with him for longer than he already did. Maybe he’s been ashamed of him. Maybe Freddie’s been too clingy, too needy. Maybe he couldn’t bare to have people looking at them while they were holding their hands, while they kissed. Maybe he hasn’t loved him enough to stay with him. Nobody will ever love him like Brian loved him. No one.

_“I’m sorry, Freddie.”_

He’s sobbing. He can’t help it. It just gets out without his permission. His body shakes with the freezing cold wind. He’s shaking because of the two men that just keep on going. They’re going to hit him until he dies, he’s sure of it. He won’t get out of this alive. Maybe it’s for the best.

“Shut up, freak!”

There’s a final punch to his head, at least the last one before he doesn’t feel anything. The last one before he blacks out.

_“I’m sorry, Brian, that I wasn’t enough to make you stay.”_

_____

Brian never wanted to receive a call like that. Even less today, after the night he had, he just wants to be alone, to think, to mourn over his now ex boyfriend. It’s his fault, he’s the one who ended it. He’s the one who hurt them both, who stopped the beautiful thing they had, who made the sparkle die in Freddie’s eyes.

_“He’s in an artificial coma for now, because of all the morphine.”_

He wants to know what happened, who hurt Freddie. Who hurt the one he loves. Of course he still loves him, he probably will forever. But the pression had been too much. He couldn’t handle the whispers when they walked in the streets hand in hand. He couldn’t handle the hatred articles about them. He has no idea how Freddie still manages to live and to love freely with those things.

But he’s seen how hurt the singer looked when he pulled away his hand in public one time. He noticed how sad he looked when he avoided his kisses. He couldn’t handle Freddie being sad, so he ended it, thinking it was for the best. He’s still not sure it really was. He couldn’t protect Freddie anymore.

_“Two broken ribs, a broken cheekbone, a bump on the head, lots of bruises, multiple cuts. But he’s still lucky. He was barely breathing when John and Veronica found him.”_

He knows he has to go, he can’t stay at the flat, while boyf- no, friend is at the hospital, hurting. He’s not sure why he really broke up now. He should’ve thought before. He should have thought about what Freddie would think, about it’d put in his head. He should’ve thought that maybe it’d bring back insecurities, that it would make him think of himself less worthy or something. He knows that’s how Freddie usually thinks.

_“He forgot a few things because of how hard he hit his head. He doesn’t remember the break up. He asked for you.”_

It makes everything a lot harder. Because Brian knows he’ll have to tell him again. That he’ll have to break his heart all over again. That he’ll have to watch him fall apart, beg him to stay. He’s not sure he can take all of it. But he doesn’t have the choice. It would be cruel, to let him believe they’re still together.

_____

With Freddie’s limp hand in his, he says, in a whisper:

“I still love you so much. I promise, I love you.”

_____

“Are you ever going to kiss me?” The Persian asks.

His face is covered with a few little cuts. His bottom lip is split. There’s a large bruise on his cheekbone all the way to his eye, it still looks fresh and painful. There’s a few droplet of sweat on his forehead because of the pain he felt only minutes before. Brian hasn’t wiped them away with some clothes like he knows he would usually do. Why is he not holding his hand?

He’s been waiting hours for Brian to come, to kiss him on the lips. He knows it would make him feel better. Thank god, he can’t really remember what happened. John told him two homophobic had hit him. Maybe it’s because of his split lip that Brian won’t kiss him? Maybe he’s afraid he’ll hurt him.

“My lip doesn’t hurt anymore, Bri,” he says quietly, because he’s still a bit afraid it’s because of something else. Is he really that ugly today? He hasn’t seen himself yet, he doesn’t want to.

There’s a little lump in his throat when Brian doesn’t say anything, he barely even moves. He can feel there’s something not right. What happened? Does he not remember that too? They were happy two days ago, weren’t they? What’s happening?

“We need to talk, Freddie.” Brian answers slightly firmly.

And then Freddie knows, he doesn’t need Brian saying it. He knows. Brian didn’t call him baby, or love, or another nickname. He called him by his name, he never does.

“We broke up, didn’t we?” He asks.

He knows his answer only with Brian’s face. He looks away, as if ashamed of the answer. Freddie’s heart tightens. It’s the last thing he ever wanted to hear. It’s painful, too painful for the physical pain he’s already feeling. How is he supposed to handle it?

“I ended it.” Brian says honestly, but it doesn’t help. It just seems to make the Persian’s breathing harder to achieve. What the fuck happened?

“Why?” Freddie asks, his voice cracks.

He stares at the wall, because he doesn’t have the courage to look at Brian. Because it does really hurt. Because the pain is excruciating and he doesn’t know if he’ll be able to breathe if he looks at him. He loves him. Freddie loves Brian, and nothing could ever change that.

“Is it because of me? Did I do something?” He says when the guitarist stays silent.

He feels something slowly coming out. He’s not sure if it’s panic, or anger, or sorrow, or everything. He puts shakily his hand over his mouth, tears are already falling, he only wanted Brian to come visit him and kiss him. Love him. What a fool he is for thinking everything would go his way.

“No, no, Freddie. Of course it’s not your fault. It’s I-“ He doesn’t get a chance to finish his sentence, he doesn’t even know if he would have found words anyway.

“You told me you loved me!” The pianist yells. He sits up quickly, finally looking at Brian, but intense pain in his ribs make him fall back onto his pillow.

He doesn’t stop the sobs from coming out, his face is hidden safely in his hands. He wants to understand, he want to know, why their relationship, that he thought perfect, ended so brutally. Why suddenly all the love they’ve ever felt for each other doesn’t matter. Why Brian seems to have stopped loving him so quickly. Hadn’t he told him how much he loved him and wanted to live his whole life with him only days ago? Hadn’t he said he’d never leave him? That Freddie would never be alone again? That he’s never feel unloved again? That he’d never feel worthless again?

The whole thing hurts more than the wounds on his body ever will.

Did Roger know? Did John know? Did they know that Brian wasn’t happy with him? That he wanted to end it between them? That he didn’t want Freddie anymore? Did they know he’d leave Freddie alone with himself like everyone else did one after another?

“I love you, Freddie. I do love you, so much.”

It doesn’t hurt less.

“Why?” He asks again.

Brian knows he should have expected the tears, that he should have expected the anger. The first time it happened, Freddie had acted calmly. He had looked at him blankly, said a few words before leaving.

_“You should have told me it wouldn’t last.”_

Brian didn’t see him shed a tear, he hardly noticed when his eyes turned glossy and his voiced slightly wavered. He didn’t like seeing the more emotional side of Freddie, he didn’t like to see him cry, even more when it was his fault. He was glad it didn’t happen with any of that. It was cruel, but he was more fine with the fact that he’d cry in Roger and John’s arms. As long as he didn’t cry alone, in the middle of the night or something like that.

“I couldn’t handle it.”

“What?”

“Everyone’s looks, everyone’s words. I’m not as strong as you, I’m not as okay with it as you.”

Freddie looks in his eyes. It hurts slightly less. At least now it doesn’t burn him inside. At least now he doesn’t want to break everything in the room until his whole body tortures him.

“I-I promise, Brian, we can make it better. I can help you be okay better. But p-please stay. Please, Bri.”

He sniffles and wipes away the new tears with the sleeve of the hospital gown. Roger or John didn’t warn him it would be such a horrible moment. They didn’t tell him he’d have to fight again, that he’d have to fight to make Brian stay, to make him still love him. They didn’t tell him today would hurt so much.

“Please, Bri, please.”

His hands are shaking so hard, because he can’t help thinking about coming back home. No. It’s not home without Brian. He’d have to come back to the flat, watch Brian take all his things, empty their bedroom. It’s their bedroom, not only Freddie’s. Brian would take his things, leave, probably never come back.

He’d have to tell John and Roger that he didn’t manage to keep Brian, that he failed again to make someone stay. He’d have to face the humiliation of them looking at him with pity, or disdain. He’d have to find somewhere else to go, to find a new job, to find a new house, to find a new life. That’s not what he wants to do.

“I beg you, Brian. Please.”

He wants to come down on his knees and beg over and over again until Brian believes maybe he’s worth it, that he maybe he deserved his love. But it’s not necessary, because Brian takes his shaking hand and kisses it sweetly.

“Okay, okay. Calm down, Fred. I’m not leaving, okay? I’m not leaving.” The guitarist says loudly enough for his now again boyfriend to hear.

“Please kiss me now.” Freddie whispers as a few tears spill.

Their lips meet and fit together perfectly like they always do. Brian doesn’t hurt Freddie’s lip because he’s so careful, and anyway, Freddie wouldn’t care. He’s happy to be so close to the guitarist. He’s happy he finally gets to touch without a problem. He’s happy he doesn’t have to fight anymore, that he can live and be happy.

Brian slips in the bed beside him, he lets the older put his cold nose on his warm neck. He wraps his arms around his slim figure and tiny waist. He takes the singer’s arm with feather like fingers and traces softly over the dark bruises that he wishes would never be there. But even if he doesn’t like the thought of Freddie hurting, he knows none of this would have happened if Freddie didn’t end up forgetting all that happened hours before.

It’s a blessing he gets to still hold this perfect man in his arms after being so stupid. They love each other. It should always be enough. He can’t let himself ruin it so easily. It’s something that not everyone gets. He needs to take care of him like a diamond, he’s precious and looks so delicate, but he’s so strong. He’s never known anyone stronger.

“I love you.” Brian says.

“I love you too.” Freddie whispers with his head still tightly placed in his lovers neck.

**Author's Note:**

> Please leave a kudo if you liked it! I’d LOVE for you to write me a comment, it takes almost no time and it’d make my day!


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